Last weekend we went to a Christmas party at a hall that my Mom's family rents every year to get together before the holidays. The kids ran around playing as I tried to participate in adult conversation, while simultaneously keeping my eye on their whereabouts. They didn't allow much time for me to get into any in depth discussions, but rather just enough time to exchange the usual pleasantries that extended family members engage in when they only see each other once a year. "How are things at work?", asked a cousin who I hadn't seen in two years. "Good", I replied, "I just got back to work from parental leave and now we are adjusting to the new routine". He responded with the standard "Oh that's good". Then we went on to the other usual updates and comments such as "Everyone's kids are getting so big!", and "It's so good to see you!".
If it were my best friends asking me the same question about going back to work (over a glass of wine or a late night phone call ) I would have given a much longer version of that answer and it would probably sound a little bit like this:
I hate that I have to sit and talk to another family about their needs when my kid is at home sick.
I like that I get time to have lunch with my bestie on my lunch hour and that I can have adult conversation with my colleagues.
I hate that I am usually one of the last Moms to pick up her kids from day care.
I like that finances aren't as tight as they used to be.
I hate getting the kids out the door in the morning, especially when most days it's a battle just to get their jackets on.
I like that I have an excuse to wear things other than t-shirts and yoga pants.
I hate that my husband see's my kids more than I do now.
I like how much my kids get to socialize and stimulate their little brains at daycare.
I hate planning meals for the week and my kids not sitting down to a meal until after six in the evening.
I like having time to get errands done during the lunch hour without kids yelling "Mom!".
I hate when I work late and I don't even get to see my baby before he falls asleep.
I like that I have a life outside of the house.
I hate commuting 45 mins to work every day.
I like that my kids don't need me 24 / 7.
I hate that my kids don't need me 24 / 7.
There are so many other things that I like about working and absolutely hate about working. In the end though, if I had the money I would be home with my kids full time. To me, the crazy days and loneliness that being a stay at home mom sometimes brings is still worth being able to be there for all of the little and big moments my kids have. Yes there are days when I come home from work and I am already counting down the hours until bed time, but in the end I like the freedom of being my own boss and being there a hundred percent for my kids. I know I'm not a bad Mom for not being with them 24/7 but I absolutely hate the feeling of giving my time to other families when I could be giving it to mine. I don't resent my clients at work by any means and I really enjoy helping them, but it makes me a little sad when I feel like I am not doing all the things at home that I want to because I am at work. With that said, I know that it doesn't have to be all on me, and thankfully I have a husband who does more than his share to pick up the slack. He's kind of a Mr. Mom when he is not at work. Balancing work and family takes a lot of time to master and we are just at the beginning of figuring it out.
That's what my real answer would be.
