Last week I had one of those days where having two kids wasn't exactly convenient. It was one of those days where it seemed like there wasn't enough of me to go around. It was like that a lot at the beginning after Nolan was born, but now that he is seven months old we have really found our own groove and for the most part, things are pretty managable. But once in a while those inconvenient days still pop up and bite me in the ass.
That morning was a day where I had to be up and have two kids fed and dressed and out the door by 7:30am. For the most part, we managed pretty good but I was still shaking my head and sighing as we left the driveway and kind of laughing to myself at how crazy it is to pull off such simple tasks when you have two young ones to take care of. It was a daycare day for Maya so once she is off to school I am able to spend a little more time responding directly to all of Nolan's needs right away, rather than having to juggle the two of them. Such an easy task, until of course, I have to pick up Maya again and am on double kid duty. After picking up Maya that day we were invited to my friend's house for dinner and let me tell you those kids of mine were miserable. There was lots of crying and there just didn't seem to be enough of me to go around. At one point I had two kids screaming and crying - one on each side of my lap, rubbing their tears and snot into my shoulder.
It reminded me of what someone had written about here a while back and it resonated so much with me at the time. I remember as I read it I was nodding my head going "Amen sister, I know exactly what you mean".
I knew that having kids so close in age was going to bring me some crazy days in the beginning and I knew that there would be a lot of momma guilt until I could get a balance. Although my head expected this my heart was truly naive. I hadn't fully grasped just how mentally exhausting it was going to be on those days, when there could just not be two of me. I hadn't really understood how just one hour of chaos could drain me to the point where all I want to do is sit on my couch for the rest of the night.
The hardest thing for me at first when Nolan was born was letting my kids cry. There were times when Nolan would be crying in his crib wanting to eat and I just couldn't get to him immediately. There were times when Maya was screaming for my attention as I breastfed Nolan because she hadn't yet understood the concept of taking turns or sharing me. It didn't help that Nolan was colicky for the first three months and HATED his car seat. He would scream bloody murder if we drove anywhere. The second worst thing was whenever my husband was working afternoons, because that meant I had to get both kids bathed and in bed by myself. If anyone had walked into my house during those hours they would seriously think that there was a torture chamber upstairs with all the crying going on.
After the third month things got a lot better. Nolan was able to fall asleep on his own in his crib. Maya was becoming a true toddler and was starting to want more independence. After month six, things finally started to feel normal (minus the crazy sickness that we all had in our house). Now in month seven Nolan has a consistent nap schedule and Maya is blossoming in her learning and development. We are able to have "normal" days - as normal as it gets with two kids - and there is a lot more joy and a lot less stress. We still have some pretty crazy moments, but we roll with it now. I am actually enjoying being home with my kids.
But the crazy days. Sometimes we still have them. Last week one of them happened and looking back now they don't phase me nearly as much as they used to. Now it's our new normal and I just handle it.
I used to worry about whether letting Nolan cry would cause him to have some sort of relationship issues when he is older. After all, infant attachment theories have been shoved down my throat since the psych 101 days. I now realize though, that you can still raise a child who feels secure and loved and trusting of others without picking them up right away every time they cry.
I now realize that having two children has more perks than disadvantages. This is something that I plan to write about one day. But for now I can say that Maya is a toddler who is starting to understand that sometimes you have to wait for things and even if she doesn't get what she wants right away, Mommy will always respond consistently no matter what. That is how trust is built. Nolan is a baby who can fall asleep on his own and can sit on the floor and entertain himself for more than two minutes. That is how independence is developed.
Anyone with more than one kid, even kids that are not close in age, knows that juggling the needs of two kids can be overwhelming at times. Anyone with more than one kid knows that it is double the crying, double the energy, double the stress. But it is also double the joy, double the laughter, and double the contentment of raising a family.
And like everything else in life, it's something that you won't ever fully understand until you are in it.
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