Big Girl Bed

Maya has been officially sleeping in her "big girl" bed for two weeks now. I couldn't believe how easy the transition was. She was so comfortable in her crib I was worried that she would miss it, but she just jumped right into her new bed and claimed it as her space.  I was also worried that she would get out of bed at night and get into things without us hearing her. So far it hasn't occurred to her that she has that freedom yet. When she wakes she always waits in her bed for us to come in and get her. She only got out once to grab her teddy from the floor and then went back into her bed. I'm happy that we no longer have two cribs in the house but of course sad that this transition is just another reminder that she is not my little itty bitty baby anymore. You know, usual mommy saga of "I'm sad that you are growing up but proud that you are growing up....", and all that junk. 

Remembering This Age

Sometimes I take pictures or videos of every day things that we do because they are the things that I want to always remember about my kids. Sometimes Maya does the cutest things and I just want to capture it some how and always be able to look back on it. Maybe it's my way of trying to hold onto something that she will inevitably grow out of. Who knows. I have been singing Maya a melody of songs every night since she was a newborn. They mostly comprised of the same two or three songs strung together that I would sing or hum to her. There was one song that became her particular favourite out of the montage. When she was about eighteen months old she surprised me and started singing along with me one night. She knew every single word and I was blown away by the fact that she really was listening to me every night and absorbing it all. Now it has become our night time routine where we sing together after story time. It is the freaking cutest when she sings. Her off-key, toddler style speech melts my heart. Every. Single. Time.

Maya has also started singing along to songs with her Daddy. The usual is twinkle twinkle little star. So one night I tried to get it on cameral when Chris was putting her to bed. She was smart and figured out what I was trying to do and kept saying, "Bye bye Mama!", and shooing me out of the room.  Then Chris put the camera in the room when she wasn't looking and got a recording of her singing her favourite song with me.

Check out this absolute cuteness and I dare you to tell me that it isn't the sweetest thing you have ever heard.

I always want to remember this age with Maya. It has the most precious moments!

Sleep And Touch

The thought of sleep seems to be taking over my life these days.  When I am driving in the car I fantasize about a world where I would be able to get a hotel room and leave my kids at home and just sleep. Just sleep for hours and hours and then maybe get up and eat something and then just go back to sleep and then take a hot bath, and then sleep some more.  But who am I kidding, even if that happened in some alternate universe, I would be up thinking about my kids the whole time and how much I miss them. Crazy right? 

My little Nolan is making sure that I don't get any more than a few hours of sleep at a time and although every mother in the world goes through sleep deprivation at some point or another, I can't help but feel trapped by the whole no-sleep conundrum.  Even as I write this I am yawning and rubbing my eyes, but I don't want to go to bed because I know I am just going to get woken up as soon as I start to get into a deep sleep. I dread night time with a passion. The thought of sleeping actually depresses me. It's like someone keeps shoving a glass of water in front of me and I am really thirsty but I am only allowed one small sip at a time, and so I just get more and more thirsty. It's like that with the sleep. The more I get just a little bit of it, the more I want, but I can't have it. Know what I mean?  Some days my body literally feels like it can't function if I have to go one more night without a good stretch of sleep. How many times have I typed the word sleep already? That's how much it is on my mind.  I know this sounds a bit dramatic and all. I know that there are people out there who would kill to have a baby to get up with at night, but I just had to whine for a bit. 

Touch. I never realized how much it would be a blessing and a curse as a mother. I am constantly longing to hug, kiss, cuddle with my babies....I can never seem to get enough. On the other hand I am constantly longing for my own personal space.... dreaming of the day when I don't have any spit up on my neck or a wrap tied to my torso or a twenty six pound toddler attached to my hip or a baby stuck on my breast. Sometimes by the end of the day my skin feels like it will literally crawl if my children maul me for one more second. Then they are sleeping and I feel naked without them and yearn for their soft hands. 

Am I the only one that has these kinds of thoughts? Probably not. 

Oh my sweet precious baby boy, why won't you just let me sleep? Why won't you let someone else hold you without screaming?  You're lucky you are so cute!

The thought of having two little beings dependant on me ALL THE TIME can be exhausting, but it can feel so natural at the same time. From the moment you pee on a stick and see two faint lines your body will never fully be yours again.  Or at least not any time soon. 

But it's worth it. Somehow it's all worth it. Giving up basic necessities like sleep can feel like torture at times, but all it takes is a smile and then suddenly it all seems worth it. 

Can you tell I'm tired? This post just seems to keep rambling on about nothing now. Guess it's time to go upstairs and lay my head down on my pillow. Don't worry Nolan....I won't get too comfortable. 

A Fun Project

Looking for a fun craft idea you can give someone for a gift? I made these for my Mom and Chris' Mom this year at Christmas time as a gift from the kids. I got the idea from this person who shared the link to this tutorial. 

I love doing simple projects like this.  So much fun!

The Sounds Of Our Childhood

When my babies are sleeping, I sneak into their rooms and watch them as they lay in their usual positions - Nolan with his thumb in his mouth, and Maya with her arm wrapped around her bear. Every time I see Maya with her tiny arm around Teddy I feel like I am going to die from cuteness overload. I always tell Chris I want to etch that image into my brain permanently so that I can always remember just how small and precious she was. Then one night, about three weeks ago, I actually took pictures of them while they slept. I had decided that I wanted to be able to look back on these images and forever remember how precious it was having two sleeping babies under our roof.  After all, these are the kinds of moments that we will cherish the most when looking back on this time. 

Aside from the sappy mommy moment to reflect on such things, it also brought back memories of when I was just a young girl. I'll explain what I mean. As I left Maya's room that night, my foot hit the floor board right at the foot of her door in the hallway and it creaked it's usual creak when I leave her room at night. It's the same creak that Maya hears in the morning when I am about to come into her room and greet her.  She often calls my name when she wakes up and when she hears that creek she stops and waits in anticipation because she knows I am coming.  When I was a little kid I remember similar noises that were familiar in my parents' household - the creaking of the kitchen cupboards the never got oiled; the sound of popcorn popping (followed by the theme to Cheers on the TV) when my Mom would sit down and take a break after bed time; the sound of my Dad lightly coughing (announcing that he was home from his shift at work); the way the back door slammed when someone left the house. All of these noises were just every day parts of the household routine. They were monotonous, trivial, insignificant, and yet comforting in their predictability and familiarity.  They were the sounds of home. 

I wonder if Maya lays in bed at night and is comforted by our household sounds. The sounds of us living. I wonder if she will hear certain noises some day, only to be reminded of the security and safety of her childhood. I hope one day she does.

I Will Always Carry You

Maya, you are one of the most affectionate toddlers I have ever met. You are constantly asking for hugs and kisses. You are always lugging around your teddy bear at your side and having him give hugs and kisses too. You are at that stage in life when your language mimics what others say, rather than being used in the right context. When you were just learning to walk you would hold your arms out for us and we would say, "Do you want me to carry you?". You would squeal with delight at that question because it was exactly what you were wanting.  Even though you are now talking in sentences there are some phrases that you still say in the context of us asking you, when really it is you that is asking the question.....and so whenever you want me to pick you up and carry you around you say "Carry you?", when you really mean, "Carry me?".  This is by far your most commonly asked question. On a daily basis I can hear you saying, "Carry you?" at least a hundred times. 

You are in the in between stage of not yet being two years old, but not being much of a baby either. So many times you still like to be carried around on Momma's hip while she goes about her day or when it's time to go up and down the stairs, or when you need help getting somewhere quickly. Sometimes you even just ask, "Carry you?" when you want to have physical closeness and reassurance.  

As a mommy who has two babies to take care of, there are many times when I have to say, "wait a minute, it's not your turn yet", or "hold on for just a second".  This stresses you out and the more I try to get you to be patient the more urgent the request becomes.  I want you to know my precious little girl, that even if I can't pick you up right away, I will ALWAYS carry you. No matter how many times you ask, now matter how daunting it may seem have someone constantly attached at the hip, I will ALWAYS CARRY YOU.  This is a promise that I made when you were just a little seed in mommy's belly. A promise that I plan to keep for life. So don't worry my sweetness, you need not fear, because I will always carry you. In more ways than one, I will always carry you.