When I'm Off Helping Raise Other People's Kids

Last weekend we went to a Christmas party at a hall that my Mom's family rents every year to get together before the holidays. The kids ran around playing as I tried to participate in adult conversation, while simultaneously keeping my eye on their whereabouts.  They didn't allow much time for me to get into any in depth discussions, but rather just enough time to exchange the usual pleasantries that extended family members engage in when they only see each other once a year. "How are things at work?", asked a cousin who I hadn't seen in two years. "Good", I replied, "I just got back to work from parental leave and now we are adjusting to the new routine".   He responded with the standard "Oh that's good". Then we went on to the other usual updates and comments such as "Everyone's kids are getting so big!", and "It's so good to see you!". 

If it were my best friends asking me the same question about going back to work (over a glass of wine or a late night phone call ) I would have given a much longer version of that answer and it would probably sound a little bit like this:

I hate that I have to sit and talk to another family about their needs when my kid is at home sick. 

I like that I get time to have lunch with my bestie on my lunch hour and that I can have adult conversation with my colleagues. 

I hate that I am usually one of the last Moms to pick up her kids from day care. 

I like that finances aren't as tight as they used to be. 

I hate getting the kids out the door in the morning, especially when most days it's a battle just to get their jackets on. 

I like that I have an excuse to wear things other than t-shirts and yoga pants. 

I hate that my husband see's my kids more than I do now. 

I like how much my kids get to socialize and stimulate their little brains at daycare. 

I hate planning meals for the week and my kids not sitting down to a meal until after six in the evening. 

I like having time to get errands done during the lunch hour without kids yelling "Mom!".

I hate when I work late and I don't even get to see my baby before he falls asleep. 

I like that I have a life outside of the house. 

I hate commuting 45 mins to work every day. 

I like that my kids don't need me 24 / 7.

I hate that my kids don't need me 24 / 7.

There are so many other things that I like about working and absolutely hate about working. In the end though, if I had the money I would be home with my kids full time.  To me, the crazy days and loneliness that being a stay at home mom sometimes brings is still worth being able to be there for all of the little and big moments my kids have. Yes there are days when I come home from work and I am already counting down the hours until bed time, but in the end I like the freedom of being my own boss and being there a hundred percent for my kids. I know I'm not a bad Mom for not being with them 24/7 but I absolutely hate the feeling of giving my time to other families when I could be giving it to mine. I don't resent my clients at work by any means and I really enjoy helping them, but it makes me a little sad when I feel like I am not doing all the things at home that I want to because I am at work. With that said, I know that it doesn't have to be all on me, and thankfully I have a husband who does more than his share to pick up the slack.  He's kind of a Mr. Mom when he is not at work. Balancing work and family takes a lot of time to master and we are just at the beginning of figuring it out. 

That's what my real answer would be. 

Happy Birthday, Bub

So my baby turned one in August. The great thing about having an August birthday where we live is that you can have a back yard bar-b-que to celebrate and so we did just that. We invited all of our family and friends and everyone planned to come until about the week before when half of our guests backed out. That's what happens in summer when everyone starts to get double booked and all of your family lives out of town. Despite the change in numbers we still went ahead and did everything as planned and many people skyped and called and mailed their best wishes from afar. Nolan was loved on so much this summer during various family vacations and get togethers. Celebrating his birthday was a nice way to end the season before my parental leave ended and I had to go back to work. Shortly after we would be planning the transition to daycare and switching our sandals and sunscreen with fall jackets and boots. But until then we made the most of our summer. We travelled, we soaked up the sun, we spent as much time out in the daylight as we could. We sat on the back porch listening to the insects and we took Gunther for endless walks to the park. We swam and ran around. We had ice cream, planned picnics, and hung out at the marina. We bar-b-qued and we boated and we swung high on the swings. We played in the sand, we blew bubbles, we roasted marshmallows on the fire. We did all the things that spelled summer and we created lasting memories that I will always cherish. But my baby turning one? That is something that will only ever happen once and it happened in August when our yard was full of fun and laughter. Nolan took some of his first steps that day in front of everyone as cameras recorded the moment and everyone cheered. Maya insisted that she wear her dress up clothes just for the occasion, and ran around soaking in the compliments everyone gave about her attire. Chris and I ran around trying to make sure everyone was fed and comfortable and having fun. In the end, our baby turned one and another moment came and went like fleeting memories do. 

My little guy is now 15 months old and we have other seasons and moments to write about....but for now, let me etch the image of this cute little angel face into my brain so I may never forget what it looked like when my baby turned one. 

MIA

I needed a break from blogging. I almost stopped completely, and just when I was going to start deleting posts and cleaning up shop I started going back and reading all of the things that have been going on with my kids and I just couldn't do it.  Lately the more my kids grow, the harder it is to start remembering all of the little things about them that I swore I always would.  How Maya used to mispronounce certain words and how Nolan's whole body would startle if you swung him around too fast. How Maya's first kisses were so slobbery and how Nolan was only happy when cuddled up to me in the baby wrap. The truth is, I am such a sentimental person and as much as I am ok with my kids growing up and becoming who they are, there are just so many things that I want to always remember. 

So much has gone on since we have talked last. Summer vacation is long gone. I'm back to work and in the full swing of being a "working Mom".  And in the mist of it all my kids still remind me that the most important thing on my to do list right now is rolling around in the leaves. 

How Many Times Did I Use The Word Blog?

Yup, it's gonna be one of those posts. The one where I'm all like, "Hi, did you miss me?" and pretend like I had all these great excuses for why I kind of dropped off the face of the earth....you know....and all that. 

The thing is I needed a bit of a break because to be honest I wasn't sure whether I wanted to keep blogging anymore. I mean, it's not like I'm a writer or a photographer or traveller or a seamstress or someone who is trying to get myself "out there" and have tens of thousands of readers and all that. I'm not interested in becoming a Mommy Blogger who ends up on TV shows sharing the latest idea of how to do DIY Christmas decorations or how to bake a cake in less than five minutes. I don't want to be the girl who does a link up of what outfits I wear to work every week or who is famous for ranting about the myths of motherhood. Not that there's anything wrong with any of those people. I enjoy reading many of their blogs when I sit down with a snack during nap time. It's just that I don't really know exactly why I blog anymore and what kind of blog I want this to be. 

Really at this point I just want to be able to document these days as a mother, what my kids are up to, and all those thoughts that often go forgotten twenty five years down the road when I'm looking back. I like going back and reading about what it was like. I like documenting the good stuff, the fun memories, and even some of the not so fun ones. It's just do I really need to do that in such a forum? Why not just have a private blog or just do an old fashioned journal?

The reasons I have blogged in the past two years have changed over and over again. In the end I keep coming back. There's something about getting all my thoughts out at the end of the day and having someone listen that is cathartic for me. I like sharing what I am up to. 

So for now I will keep on blogging! 

My kids are growing like bad weeds and every day I look at them and still can't believe they are mine. You know when your child makes that shift - like all of a sudden they just hit that next developmental phase? There's nothing obvious that tells you they have, you just look at them one day and just know. That's been happening a lot around here lately. They just keep on changing and growing and being what I still can't describe other than to use the word - Miracle. So much has been going on. So many thoughts and reflections in my head. So much to write about and yet where do I start?

I'll start with, good to see you again!

Photos by Brent Foster

Lately

I didn't post anything last week....so sue me.

So much has been going on. Potty training, family news and gatherings, Easter, renovations. So much to talk about but no time to write. By the way, when did this person stop being such a baby and start looking like a little girl? Geeze, they say kids grow up fast but it really has been sneaking up on me lately.

I've been trying to post pictures in their original form without any editing or fake filters. What do you think about that?

Also, my baby boy is into everything now and so much more active than Maya was at his age. Quick, give me some ideas of things I can do to keep him entertained!

Mail

When you get something nice in the mail from someone you love, it is a wonderful surprise. When you get two nice things from more than one person you love on the same day, it is double the treat. 

That's what happened to Maya yesterday. I had stopped by our mailbox on the way home from picking her up from daycare and she yelled the usual "mail time!", as I grabbed the key to our box. When I brought the pile in and told her that her name was on two things, she was so delighted. 

I love sending things in the mail to people for a nice treat or just because. A birthday card, or a valentine, or a picture. I love it when I pick up the mail and someone does the same for us. It puts a little spring in my step, a little smile on my face, a little warm fuzzy in my heart.